What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 03:11
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why do people stop working towards achieving their dreams?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
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I was very sick at this time too.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So, i spoilt her more .
I think the readers, may guess!
If Jesus was crucified by Governor Pontius Pilate, why does the Quran deny his death?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was seconnd youngest,
She found it foreign!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I have no regrets .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
What are some of the best relationship advice for men?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why do flat-Earthers think the Earth is flat?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why is it difficult to get a job?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I never cut or harmed myself..
But ive been too sick for many years..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Why do the majority of feminists hate men (not all feminists)?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
What did i know ?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She married twice! .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
When she asked me how she looked .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I write beautiful poetry .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So whats the point in blame.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Would this be the day?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I waited trembling.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
This is soul school!.
Comes on , in middle age.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
It was going to be , some day.
All the time i was locked up.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I don,t even have a pension.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She wouldn,t have been !
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My family never makes their pension either.
But it wasn’t much.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was 9 years of age.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Put me off passion for life!!
We all went to grammer schools
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She loved him until the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I said to her
I could never make a relationship work though!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
One cannot live in the past .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And i lived it daily.
Who then, do I blame.?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She was in good health!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I couldn’t, believe it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We were not on the streets..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im still living with it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He knew the spot.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But, we were locked up after school.
I was scared of men, in general
I will be 64.
Especially a lifetime of it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My life is so biszare .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As i do to all so called friends.?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Ive learnt so much.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.